I went out with a magician.
I feel like this puts me in a whole different dating bracket, like I've leveled up. The number of people who can say they've dated a magician has to be very small.
I realize that my data is anecdotal, but seriously: magicians are kind of lame. Like, there is nothing you can do to make magic cool. You can dress it in leather and make it wear eyeliner, but at the end of the day, it's still basically your grandpa pulling a quarter out of your ear.
My opinions, of course, are affected by the fact that the one magician I know, who also happens to be the one magician I've dated, turned out to be kind of a pompous horse's ass, and worthy only of being the butt* of endless jokes.
I did not enjoy the date, but I have enjoyed making fun of him and, by extension, myself, for going out with him, so at least I got something out of it.
And really, that's the only thing I got out of it, because he gave me a hug at the end of the night and said, "I don't kiss on the first date." And I was like, "Your loss," but also, "WHEW."
The magic officially ended when, the next week, he texted that he missed me, which creeped me the fuck out, and I told him we were looking for different things and good luck to him. I didn't even tell him I hoped we could be friends, because he didn't even reach Friend Potential; that's how bad it was.
I'd had a fairly pleasant relationship with magic before him, but now I am not a fan.
He ruined magic. Fuck him.
* see what I did there?
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