I think this

If you are over the age of thirty--

NO.  If you are over the age of 14, having 69 as any part of your username is absolutely unacceptable.  That shit is not cute.




Incidentally, this opinion is sponsored by a message I got from a different guy from Kansas.  Pfft.  Fucking Kansas.

Ugh, KANSAS

Despite the fact that I do not live anywhere near Kansas--NOR DO I WANT TO--there's a guy from that pit of  a state messaging me.

I think, all other factors being equal, I would go out with someone from Uzbekistan before I would go out with someone from Kansas.  Uzbekistan, at least, has SOMETHING going on, whereas Kansas ...

I was previously unaware of my deep and burning hatred for that state.  Internet dating is educational for many reasons.

This is unexpected

I'd had a good bit of luck with OkCupid, but it's kind of winding down now.  At the same time, my traffic for Match is picking up.

The BEST thing about Match.com is that, when somebody winks or messages me, and he is not only not my type, but also potentially an ax murderer, I have the option of the site sending him a generic "No thanks" message.  I don't even have to compose it myself!  That is so useful!

... real life should have an option like that.  Get on it, please.

Mother Nature can suck my dick

I hate it when I'm about to go out with a guy who is unbelievably fuckable, and then I get my motherfucking period.

Cut a girl a break, please, UTERUS.  Why you gotta be cock-blockin' me now?

Popular

Right now I have four different guys tryin' to get wit' me: two I don't want, one I'm halfway excited about, and one that I want to be with forever and ever, but he might be too awesome even for me.

Isn't that the way it goes?  Doesn't matter if you're in junior high or you're a grown-ass woman.

Anyway, I am categorizing them as follows: granny panties, granny panties, black boyshorts, lacy fuck-me pants, respectively.

This is a good system.

Honesty is important

Does anybody else hate it when you've just recovered from your Sex Face and your guy asks, "What are you thinking?"

Ugh, dudes are the WORST about asking this question!  Why I gotta be thinking anything, huh?  There are times when I've got a mind empty of thoughts, and I can tell you that post-sexercise is one of them.

The other night, though, when I'd talked the Bad Speller into another round, because I'm good like that, he asked me, "What are you thinking?"  And instead of lying, I told him EXACTLY what I was thinking:

"I was thinking about how much I hate giving handjobs."

Bingo, kiddies!  No more questions, and best of all, NO MORE HANDJOBS.

True or False

A guy whose username is IMGoodNBed is the victim of his own wishful thinking.

Discuss.