Thank you for bein' a friend

Update 1:  I went out a couple of times with the guy I was super-excited about.  The end.

Update 2:  I heard about Adult Friend Finder from another site that I frequent.  Although it bills itself as being for "Sex and Swingers," some people have found longer-lasting relationships there.  And, given that my own recent history has been basically a couple of hook-ups followed by radio silence, I thought maybe my world is ruled by opposites.  Like, maybe if I went on a website that specializes in short-term, no strings attached-type meet-ups, I'd actually find something more lasting.

So I chose an EXTREMELY unrecognizable name (hint: I got it off my nail polish bottle) and did NOT post any pictures or other identifying information.  The VERY LAST THING I need is to be found by my employer's investigative services on what is basically a hook-up site.

I've gotten a couple messages--nothing I want to respond to--and last Saturday, I decided to do some more thorough research.  That is to say, I wanted to see if I recognized anyone from either OKC or Match.com, or from real life.  I also wanted to see if there was anyone I was interested in actually meeting.

I looked around for a while; I'm on the non-paying option, which means that I'm limited in what I can see, so I had a lot of generic silhouetted photos pop up during my search.  Two margaritas later, I notice there's a little box at the top of the screen that reads "Content Filter: On."

"What's this?" I wonder, and change the option from "On" to "Off."  And HOLY SHIT, you guys.  Immediately I was staring at a page full of dicks.  And I don't mean that metaphorically; I mean I was literally looking at A PAGE OF DICKS.

I immediately messaged my BFF:

Me: ... a lot--A LOT--of dudes are posting dick pics, and I am legit SCARED. Like, some of these dicks, [BFF]. I don't even KNOW. Clearly these guys are super proud of their goods, but my god, I look at them and I'm like, "What the hell am I gonna do with that?"

Because the truth is, my dick experience is fairly limited, and some of those guys looked like they were dealing with a form of elephantitis.  Like, a Dick Illness. It was unsettling, and it was frightening. I mean, I ran across one dude who had pulled his business down, between his balls, into his shorts.

Me: Is that a thing? Do people do that?

BFF: I thought only drag queens did that.

Me: How is that supposed to attract a woman?  What was his thought process?  This is just fascinating from a sociological standpoint.

After a little while, I signed off with this thought:

Me: There are a lot of hairless balls in [this state].

There's really nothing I can say to top that.