Choosing Sides

There are like six billion dating sites out there, so first I had to decide which one to use.  I turned to an old standby, eHarmony, because I had an account with them almost ten years ago, and I figured it would be less work than any other, newer site.

Well, guess what:  things have changed a lot since I last visited eHarmony, and it turns out that it sucks even more now than it did then.  Hoops galore, and I don't have the legs for jumping.  

So, armed with valuable advice from my BFF ("... anyone named Chip should be avoided at all costs."), I did the best I could until she asked if she could see my profile.

Me: I guess ... if I could figure this fucking thing out. It won't put my pics on my profile page, and it's being an asshole. 

That should probably be my capsule description, right?
"Hello, I'm [Lemon, Out]. I can't figure this fucking thing out and it's being a giant asshole. Let's get busy."

Me: It says my profile is only 80 percent complete, but I answered all their fucking questions and put up three pictures THAT IT'S NOT DISPLAYING ON MY PROFILE PREVIEW, so what the hell, eHarmony? WHAT. THE. HELL.

And THEN--and this was where the camel turned around and was like, "If that fucking straw comes anywhere near me ..."--I did a search for new matches. How many lucky guys did I get matched with?

NOT A DAMN ONE.

Me: See ya, eHarmony.  Lemme see what OK Cupid has to say about that.

I switched over to OK Cupid and it was immediately evident that I was going to like this one much better, mostly on account of it's free. Also, there are probably going to be a lot more people on OKC who don't care about marriage and all its attendant bullshit, which is FINE BY ME.