In addition to the esteem-leveling prospect of lowering oneself to dating via internet, there's also the panic that accompanies the chore of describing oneself to strangers.
It's kinda hard to be charming without being an assface.
Plus, the questions these sites ask! They're so ... ugh. Once again, I had to turn to my BFF for advice.
Me: What are the first things people usually notice about me? I feel like it would be arrogant to put "... that I'm awesome."
BFF: 1. You have a winning smile 2. You have big blue eyes 3. You make people laugh (just don't write because you are making fun of them).
This seemed reasonable enough, so that's what I used, with the disclaimer that I'd gotten that answer from my BFF, and that I realized this was a totally biased answer, but it made me look good.
The "... so suck it" was implied.
Then I had to write all this bullshit about myself and my favorite books and shit, and I never know how much to write and how much to leave out. Like, I could write about my favorites all the livelong day, but who wants to read a fucking novel when you're just trying to find somebody who'll agree to wet your pecker?
Nobody, that's who.
But OK Cupid is like a nagging English teacher, wanting me to write 500 words on my profile. What the fuck, OKC? Is this a college entrance exam or what?
I did the best I could, but I don't really like putting all my business in writing (when I'm not writing anonymously), so I never made it to 500.
I suppose I could have upped the word count by typing "fuck" 20 or 30 times. Goddammit. Why didn't I think of that sooner?
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