Your profile is awful

I admit that, for all three sites that I've joined, I've used the same description for that part of the profile where you're supposed to describe yourself.  I use the same paragraph for my "about me" on Facebook.  Sure, it's lazy, but those words are accurate, direct, and funny, okay, so that's why I keep re-using them.

I wouldn't care if I kept seeing the same description pop up over and over again on dating sites (actually, though, I've only noticed a teeny bit of crossover; clearly the men in my area are not desperate conducting sociological research like I am).   If what you have works, why waste time and effort finding a new way to say the same old thing?

What I am sick and tired of, though, is the following:

• descriptions written in textspeak.  My god, is it too much trouble to type out those two extra characters?
• bad spelling.  your vs. you're.  there vs. their vs. they're.  definite.  surprise.  believe.  This is stuff you should have learned by the fifth grade.
• any use of lol.  Don't lol at your own words.  It's unattractive.
• grammatical errors.  It's not could OF; it's could HAVE, dumbass.  
• emoticons.  Save that shit for texting.
• cheezburger-ing.  Are you a cat?  ARE YOU? 
• separating phrases or sentences with ellipses.  It's really annoying ... I don't know why people do it ... Wait, yes I do ... Because they're stupid lol
• ignoring the shift key.  CAPITALIZE YOUR GODDAMN SENTENCES, MORONS.

What I am learning, over and over, is that I am going to die alone, because every available man in the entire world makes me want to stab something.  And that's before I even meet them in person.